Spring Time Fun

We have had unseasonable winter and spring this year. It would snow one day and then the next it could be 65 degrees. All of the sunny weather made us have spring fever...even though it was still somewhat cold outside.

Jauncee and Clay found a nice ice patch to skate around on. It was comical watching Clay, every once in awhile he would slip and fall on his behind but he would always get right back up for more. I kind of think he thought Jauncee was pushing him down!

The slide has been a favorite of Clays since last summer. Even before he could walk he could climb up the slide bare-footed and then turn around and slide down. Of course with slippery snowboots on it just wasn't the same.

His snow pants were slick!

With the warmer weather came wagon-rides up the road!

And bike rides!

Looks like someone forgot how to ride!

And of course we can't walk by the tractor without actually pretending to take it for a drive.

Around sale time, we put the girls to work addressing the catalogs!

Neither one wanted their picture taken.

They were both really good help!

Warmer weather also brought our first weenie roast of the season! This was the day of my procedure, so for dinner I wanted to do something easy! One can always get away with a hotdog roast if the weather is warm.

Clay was fascinated with the sticks.

Jauncee, she was in charge of the camera and taking all the pictures to remember the occasion.

James, Dirks brother. He was here helping Dirk set-up for the sale.

Baking Cookies

Always a favorite our house!

The kids have also enjoyed the sunny weather having a picnic!

Aren't they all so cute? I just love them all so much. The girls are such good help with Clay and they never mind including him or being responsible for him if they are outside. Which is quite a job.

With that being said.......

They have to have their fun with him too!

He makes such a pretty princess!

Someone's favorite past time!

Clay boy and the swingset.

This picture is funny! Obviously he just couldn't wait to be dressed all the way...he just had to get outside! Which is true! He would be outside all day every day. Rain, snow or shine, it doesn't matter. I love that he is all boy!

Good thing winter doesn't last forever and spring doesn't skip its turn!

I love spring! It reminds me of new beginnings.

I love that the seasons change, it is a good reminder that in our life we all will go through seasons of emotions and like the winds they rise and fall...but at the end of the day life is what we make it, so own it and be happy!

A Quick Trip

I hate to admit this, but I am behind once again! I downloaded all my pictures to my computer & there were so many cute ones that I decided I had to catch-up.

Here we go....

Then end of February was a crazy month for us. We were busy finalizing details on our sale catalog as well making sure we had pictures and all the detailed nformation that go along with each bull,  EPD's and then all the actual data input.  In the midst of all the craziness, we still managed a trip to Holden to help my Dad AI his heifers for the very first time in Hawbush Ranch history! I always look forward to visiting there. The company is great and the food just might even be better! J/K The company is absolutley wonderful and is something that I really miss living so far away! The weekend seemed to go by really quickly, but we managed to squeeze in a little bit of fun.

 

 The girls were trying to do Oakley's hair, Grandma Jill finally had to help.

Clayboy, always trying to keep up with the big kids!

Begging to go outside!

Jumping on the trampoline, always a favorite!

I think all the grandkids are obsessed with driving all of Papa's equipment. And Clay is no exception!

We all had an enjoyable time and definitely can't wait to go back!

13 Weeks!

13 Weeks...the magic number of announcing that you are expecting a baby! The point where you finally accept the weight gain and embrace it. The second trimester! Finally reaching the point of feeling better, no more nausea and energy levels starting to rise. 13 weeks referred to as the golden period where the risks of miscarriage greatly diminsh!

13 weeks for me was undoubtedly one of the hardest days of my life! I have 3 beautiful children all of which were relatively easy pregnancies. I expected the 4th to be no different. This baby was planned and longed for. I hadn't yet been to the doctor and week 13 marked my first ob appointment. I looked forward to this day with great anticipation. I wanted to hear my babies heartbeat and to see a sign of life. It always tends to make the sickness in the beginning worth it. The appointment seemed to be going well, I was very pleased with my doctor. I decided to change from my last labor experience and am glad that I did. I was the last appointment of the day so he asked me if I had some time to run over and get a sneak peek in an ultrasound. Of course I did! I longed to see my baby and hear the little heartbeat. Reassurance that all is going well. After about 5 minutes into the ultrasound I could tell something was wrong. My Dr. excused himself from the room and went and made a phone call, he came back in briefly to ge my contact phone numbers and then left again. When he came back he sat down by me and said he hated to tell me this but things in the ultrasound don't look right for a 13 week baby, he also could never find the heartbeat nor did he ever see the baby move. I was completely devastated! This couldn't be happening to me! He wanted confirmation of his findings so the phone call he made was to the Ultrasound technician asking him if he could come in tonight and give me an official one. I tried to remain calm and optimistic but the drive home seemed to last forever. I wanted to find Dirk and tell him and have him tell me it was going to be okay. Of course I couldn't hide my tears from the girls so I told them both what was going on and they were sad you could tell. My sweet little boy came over to me and hugged me wanting a kiss, it was so special, he knew I was sad. He definitely has a tender heart. Dirk pulled away for a moment to give me a blessing, it was a special moment. He said that the lord knew what was best and the he loved he me. Right then I felt a peaceful feeling that no matter what the outcome, we could make it through this. Finally the technician called and asked if I could meet him at the hospital a little after 8 pm. Dirk went with me, which I was glad to have him there. While we were waiting for him to get there a frantic mother (a lady from the local vet clinic) came in screaming "Where is she, Where is She?" "I want to see her! Is she alive?" She kept reapeating it over and over. It was evident there had been an accident of some kind and she was worried about someone, a girl involved. My heart felt for her still not knowing who "she" was. I am unsure of the amount of time that past by, but it seemed like forever when the ambulance finally had gotten there. The ER staff and the ladies husband had to restrain her in the corner so she wouldn't get in the way of them bringing in the girl. The poor woman was frantic and devastated. It was clear that she loved this person so much and was so worried about them. For a moment, while I was sitting there watching this poor woman, I thought I was selfish for feeling bad for myself and for wanting my baby to be alive. I kept saying tiny little prayers pleading to Heavenly Father to let my baby be okay and then after I saw this ladies pain I prayed for her, not knowing if He could answer more than one prayer so I was willing at this point to sacrifice my unborn child for the sake of the girl, which we later learned was her 9 year old daughter. The Dr. went out to the ambulance and came back in and had to tell her that she didn't make it, she had died instantly. She screamed like never before, she was angry and in so much pain. My heart went out to her and I was devastated...I could never imagine losing anyone of my living children, the pain she was experiencing was overpowering watching this poor mother deal with the news she had just heard.

Finally the Ultrasound tech showed up 35 minutes late! I was glad to get out of the hall way and to find out our fate. The news wasn't good and the tech confirmed my Dr's findings. I was angry and upset! But my problems at that point felt so trivial compared to the poor mother who had just lost her child. I looked at my in-utero baby as a child and had longed to hold him or her. I wasn't quite sure how to feel or what emotions to show. We left for home and the girls were waiting patiently attending to Clay. They instantly could tell it was bad news and both started crying. I hugged them and told them how much I loved them! I was so thankful to have 3 beautiful children all alive and well. My Dr. gave me a call shortly after we had gotten home and told me my options...do nothing and let your body realize your baby is no longer alive and let it miscarriage and dispose of the baby on its own, which could cause a lot of bleeding and the possibility of hemoraging and if that happened a D&C would be required. It could also take weeks for this to happen, or I could opt for a D & C and it would cause little bleeding and would be over and reset my body and my cycle. But a D & C is a surgery performed in the hospital under general anesthesia. He also gave me the option of waiting a week or two and having another ultrasound if I so desired. He and the tech both reassured me of the accuracy of the technology and a 13 week old babies heartbeat just can not be missed! I told him I would need to think about it and talk to my husband to see what he feels would be best. I then went to bed discouraged and disappointed. I don't think I slept a wink all night! I kept reliving the ER incident and the tragedy that had taken place earlier that evening. I kept hearing the mother screaming at the loss of her child, I kept thinking about the baby inside of me and never getting to hold it or love it. I wanted this baby, we had planned for this baby! I had been keeping track from day 1, counting every week that went by. I suffered morning sickness and fatigue for weeks, I neglected my mom duties and my poor family had to eat a strict diet of things that I could stand to smell, cook and eat. I complained about how terrible it was and that I could not wait for that 2nd trimester to start! And I had finally gotten there. I can honestly say that if I ever get pregnant again, which I hope I do, that I will embrace every moment even the times were I feel yucky and like I am going to throw up ...at least I know there is life inside of me however bad it feels, it is a tiny miracle and a blessing...one which I will welcome with open arms! Morning came and with it brought a sense of loss and a feeling inside where I knew that the baby was no longer growing inside of me. I knew what I had to do. Before I could make the call my cell phone rang it was my Dr. due to the circumstances surrounding the findings of the baby and the conditions, he was recommending a D&C as soon as possible (like within the next hour) I knew it was the right decision. I hugged and kissed my kids and headed for the hospital calling my sweet hubby on the way. I felt bad leaving without talking to him and without him actually by my side. I was tyring to be strong and take into consideration all we had going on. In 1 week was going to be our 2nd annual bull sale and just that morning 22 bulls had arrived. I knew his plate was full and he only had a limited amount of time to take care of all that needed to de done. I also called my mom on the way and told her what was going on. She was very supportive and felt very bad. No words nor statistics can make the pain or hurt go away. I checked myself in not knowing that they weren't going to be able to discharge me unless I had someone there to take me home. I called Dirk once again and he said that he would be there. The nurses got me ready for surgery and they wheeled me off into the operating room. I don't remember much only it being cold inside of there. I woke up 2 hours later and shortly after my husband came in. I was glad to see him. I was sad, but still a little delirious from the anesthesia. During the surgery I had lost more blood than normal so they were precautionary and monitored me longer and more than normal. After a bout of antibiotics through the IV and my levels all reaching a normal and stabilizing point, my nurses helped me get cleaned up and get dressed so I could head for home. Once we arrived home, I laid myself on the couch and fell asleep, everytime I tried to wake up I couldn't and didn't want to! It was now a reality I was no longer pregnant and wouldn't be holding this sweet baby October 1st. I was mad, I was angry, I hated everything and couldn't believe that this happened to me nor did I undertstand why or what I had done to deserve this. Then I would remember the poor mother in the ER who had lost her daughter. A neighbor came by that afternoon, he happened to be at the hospital with the family who lost their child he was a long time friend of theirs. He filled Dirk in on the details and my heart hurts for them. The parents of the little girl were divorced and she spent every other weekend with her father. It being his weekend he met the girls stepfather at central location to pick her up. On their way home along a 2 lane highway with lots of turns a truck coming the other direction was headed right for them driving all crazy and out of control at an outrageous speed. The father unsure of the out of control drivers next move does all he can to miss the truck but at the least minute the truck turned and hit the passenger side head-on. It killed the girl instantly. The father had a broken nose, shoulder and a few cuts on his head. The other driver that caused the acciddent was drunk and didn't have a scratch on him. Needless to say, he landed in jail that night! Sad to report that the drunk driver was the little girls uncle, her moms brother. I can't even imagine what all this family is going through. My heart goes out to them. I hope they have the gospel in their lives so they can try to find some peace out of this tragic event. The incident hit so close to home as my two girls have visits with their fathers that are out of the state and out of my control. I know that I was suppose to be at the hospital that night and to witness the loss and devastation of a loved one. I wish I hadn't been there but if I hadn't, I know that my loss would seem so much greater. I know that I would be having a lot harder of a time getting over my loss. Watching this poor family mourn over the loss of their loved one put everything into perspective for me. I love my 3 children and am going to do better at letting them know how much and showing them what they mean to me. You never know when your last day is going to be and I never want to have any regrets. It has been 10 days since my D&C and I still have moments where I feel sad and empty, longing for my baby to be growing inside of me. I know that life goes on and that the Lord has a plan for me and that he knows what is best, even if I disagree, I know I need to have faith. Sometimes that is easier said than done.

I LOVE TO SEE THE TEMPLE, I'M GOING THERE SOMEDAY...

I have always loved this primary song, its words ring deep in my heart!

And the day finally came on February 3rd & 4th, 2012!

We are so excited to finally get to this point in our lives, and have each other forever. We had a lot of family and friends there to support us and to enjoy this special day with us. The temple is such a beautiful place and so peaceful. Clay was so precious and such a handsome little guy all dressed in white. The moment they brought him into the room, I knew we were doing what the Lord wanted us to. The sealer gave our family wonderful words of wisdom and then proceeded to seal us together as a family for time and all eternity. It was a beautiful moment! The spirit was so strong, I could have stayed in that moment forever!

It was a bitter-sweet day for me as the girls' fathers would not give us permission to have them sealed even though they both wanted to. I will never give up on this goal of being a complete and eternal family, girls included. I know that if I live worthily and keep my covenants the Lord will bless us and I know that the time will come when the girls will have opportunity to be sealed to Dirk and I. I look forward to this day with open arms.

I will always remember these 2 special days spent at the Logan, Utah Temple. We are so grateful to have each other! I am so thankful to everyone who helped us get to this point in our lives and the examples that have been shown unto us. I would like to tell everyone who helped make this day possible THANK YOU...we love each one of you very much and appreciate all that you have done for our family!

Dreams really do come true and prayers are really answered!

My Lil Cowboy aka Dirks Mini Me

Wow, I can hardly believe it is February 9, 2010! My sweet little guy is 18 months old today. He is the light of our lives. We all have so much love for this little cowboy. He has come into our home and changed the dynamic so much. I can't imagine life without him. He is a very funny little boy and he is just that ALL BOY! Some of his favorite things include: boots, balls, books, out (outside) and nanny (candy)! He would live outside all day everyday if I would let him. The first thing he wants to do in the mornings is put on his boots and points and says out, out! So I humor him with the boots but I have to pick my time wisely when we do go outside because we won't be coming back in any time soon! He also has a shoe fetish lately. He loves to
wear the girl’s shoes and for some reason my snow boots all through the house. Surprisingly he can get around quite well for them being as big as he is! He is my little buddy. He helps me clean the house by riding on the vacuum, sweeping the
kitchen and his all-time favorite scrubbing the toilet. He keeps us a clean toilet because he loves scrubbing it every day. I am so thankful I get to spend my day’s home with him. He is definitely worth it.


We all love this little boy so much and feel so blessed we were the lucky ones to have him come into our family! I look forward to every new day because with it brings "new" Clay discoveries!